wakey wakey hands off snakey
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
