Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The best revenge is premature balding
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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