I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
