She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
