i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
