just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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