Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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