Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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