so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I am naked and annoyed.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
