I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
