Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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