you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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