we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
