haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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