Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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