I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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