for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
