New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
