He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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