Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
