biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
