I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize