that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
