I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
