Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
