Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
