anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
