p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
