My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
