I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Someone shattered a urinal.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
