Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
