ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
420 ftw
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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