I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
