I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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