can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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