Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
