There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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