We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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