so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
