Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
