dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
