she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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