Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
