So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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