i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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