we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
