imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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