I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I stole a fireplace last night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
