somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
