i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
