i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
