You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
we should paint friendship bongs
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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