he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
