At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
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My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
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I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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