You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
