if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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