either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
someone owes me an orgasm
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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