Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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