Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
