I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
