people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
