but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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