not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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