i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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