I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
