Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We're too hungover to prance.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
