Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
