Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dignity is for republicans.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
