I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
