If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
