i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
