Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
