I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
