we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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