So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
