We're like a lot better than the average bears
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
