he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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