I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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