He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
