Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
