you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
