i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
