I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Randomize
