Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
