I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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